Swan Sanctuary

While I was a practising aesthetician during the 1990’s, I would begin my client’s facial by massaging their shoulders, neck, and arms in order that they might relax from their drive to my salon, or anything else that they might be stressed about. I had learned early on in my aesthetics training, that our skin is the largest organ of our body. During my childbearing years, in the 1970’s, I read a book by Ashley Montague called Touching: The Human Significance of the Skin. Now in its third edition, this book has brought to light the vital importance of skin to skin contact, not only in the early development and psychological well being of humans, but also in the body’s immunology. Our sense of touch is our first and most sensitive faculty by which we  explore the world from the confines of our physical form.

During my first visit to physical therapy for my arthritic hands, the therapist used a very cold, flat, oval shaped metal object to massage my forearms. This immediately reminded me of the arm and hand massages that I had provided for my clients in the past and caused me to long for that human touch which the PT therapist was clearly not providing. The loneliness that has become prevalent in our modern society, as evidenced by the numerous dating sites, is a sign that people are starving to be touched. I believe that, especially with older adults, it is rarely sex that they are seeking. Our need to connect to others through companionship and conversation, is second to the need for close physical contact. Unfortunately, there are many people today who have been divorced, or widowed, and find that their lives are lacking, even if they have numerous friends and activities to fill their days. 

Humans are not the only mammals that require closeness and affection. Cats often sleep together. I have had a cat sleeping on my bed with me for my entire adult life. Many people’s dogs sleep with them in their beds. My children slept with me from birth until they were two or three years old since I was greatly influenced by Tine Thevenin’s book The Family Bed, which was also published in the 1970’s. The isolation that has been brought on by COVID has exacerbated the problem of loneliness for many. I don’t have any clear solutions for this sense of emptiness in my own life since it is doubtful I will find companionship at my age. I do plan to seek out a massage therapist; however, and indulge in regular massages for my arms, hands, and feet!

While spring often arrives in fits and starts, autumn can catch us by surprise. It seeks to get our attention and wake us up from the mesmerizing warmth of the summer months. It bashes down the door like a bear, rather than slipping in quietly like a mouse. Even when we know it is coming, it can still feel like a sneak attack for which we are not prepared. 

The changes that autumn brings are heavy in the air today. After several days of record high heat, we have been blessed with clouds. Sitting up here, gazing out from the two story window, I have an amazing view of the sky. There are no buildings or tall trees to obstruct my view. To the northeast, I watch as a large hole, trimmed in pink and orange, slowly grows smaller from the dark clouds consuming it. The darkening sky brings a calming quietude to the day. It feels as though life has slowed down ever so slightly and we can breathe a quiet sigh of relief. 

I appreciate the slower pace of autumn. The chatter of  busy people and the drone of lawn mowers and motorcycles has let up, for today at least. We are beckoned to come inside, perhaps brew a cup of tea to brace ourselves for the sudden cold. Maybe we will set a pot of soup to bubble on the stove, to mark the change that has arrived. 

The first change in the season is somehow the most poignant. Gradually, our bodies and our mental attitudes adjust. Whether we let go reluctantly, or rush to embrace what has arrived, change is the one constant attribute of life. The seasons are our wake-up call. The seasons remind us that we must never allow ourselves to become too comfortable. We can resist what the moment brings and thereby create our own suffering, or we can learn to live fully in the moment. We must not curse the clouds because we never know what good might be waiting just beyond them. We must wake up. We must awaken.

My daughter ordered a new sectional sofa, with recliners, for her new home that she purchased last spring. She vacillated for a long time before making the decision to commit to a somewhat costly purchase. The older, second-hand sofa and loveseat that she had, she believed, was contributing to her asthma and allergy problems. I suggested that letting go of the old furniture would be an important step because when we create a vacuum, the universe is happy to refill it with something new and better. I went with her to look at sofas in the local furniture store so she could get a feel for what she really wanted. Fortunately, the salesperson was not too pushy and my daughter listened to her intuition, saying that she wanted to “sleep on it”. There would have been a greater selection if she had travelled to a larger city where there are numerous other options. In the meantime, she searched some companies online. She remembered that she could use the military exchange to purchase furniture since she is active in the Army National Guard and she would not have to pay for taxes or shipping. It is always risky to purchase chairs  online because you cannot look at the construction or sit in them, to determine if they are actually comfortable, but she made her decision and ordered what she wanted.

I helped her to list her old furniture. She simply wanted to give it away to someone in need. A young family came to get the furniture last night and we both felt good because we knew it was making this man, his wife, and his young son very happy. The new sofas arrived early this morning. They are, in fact, good quality and they are comfortable. My daughter is happy with her purchase and this makes me happy.

My middle daughter called to tell me that my grandson, who is almost 21, is moving out into a place of his own. He has held down a good job for the last few years and he now feels that he is financially ready to make this move. I am truly happy for him. When good things happen for the people we care about, it makes us happy too. This makes me think of pouring out a pitcher of water onto the ground. The water will spread out and run to that place where it flows naturally, unhindered. It follows the path of least resistance. When we are happy, we add to others’ happiness. The more happiness we experience, the more it can flow from us, to others. We can picture our lives as a pitcher filled with happiness, always gently overflowing and spilling out to those around us.

I was looking for a new bathrobe because my old one, which is quite old, is still in storage and I wanted to be prepared for imminent cold weather. Much to my dismay, I could not find what I was looking for in the two stores where I searched. I found only one style that was made of cotton. Nearly everything in the stores these days seems to be made of polyester, rayon, lyocell, or various combinations of materials. One is hard pressed to find anything these days that is made of 100% cotton. Most of the denim currently on the market has spandex added. This may not be true for mens’ jeans. The modern fabrics are often rough to the touch, tend towards pilling, and are easily snagged. I do not like the feel of them and they do not last or wear as well as cotton. 

In the 1970’s you could not find sleepwear for infants that were made of all cotton.The government had decided that all layettes be made with a fire retardant chemical added. These were rough and completely averse to the soft newness of a newborn baby’s skin.The flame retardant which was later added to baby furniture and other items, was eventually shown to be carcinogenic. Most baby sleepwear is now made of polyester, which is in itself often treated with flame retardants. The worst part about polyesters is that they are basically a form of common plastic and they do not breathe the way natural fibers do. I was fortunate in that when my babies were born, I received pure cotton nighties handed down from my sister. I acquired the habit of always reading the fabric content label sewn inside of garments. I never purchased anything for my children that was not cotton.

The passage of time always brings new information. The exposure of those companies that add toxic chemicals and dyes to their products has given way to a small group of people offering only 100% organic cotton clothing. This would be great news, but as is true with most things available in today’s markets, their products are cost-prohibitive to many. And worldwide, manufacturers of fabrics and clothes are still dumping high concentrations of chromium, copper, zinc, arsenic, and other substances into rivers, poisoning the water and killing fish. We began waking up to these atrocities more than sixty years ago, but the practises have not stopped. I wonder if the human race will ever place the well being of life, above that of corporate greed?

I am growing increasingly nervous about the world in which we are living. We are being watched, tracked, and manipulated by things that are beyond our control. Nearly everywhere we go, there are hidden cameras documenting our every move. Strangers have the ability to photograph us with their smartphones, unbeknownst to us. Alexa is always standing by, listening to our every word. 

I managed to keep myself and my children out of the radar of the medical machine for many years. My daughters were born at home and not subjected to the insidious routine exams and procedures that most people have come to accept as “normal”. I can count on one hand the number of times that I broke down and visited a medical doctor in the past forty years. Each time was a waste of time and I worried about being in their “system”. Against my better judgement, I recently went to a doctor for clarification about the issues I have been having with my hands. I was sent to physical therapy, where I was provided with answers – that it was arthritis caused from overuse and thankfully, not carpal tunnel. I was given some exercises to do, which seems to be helping. My preference would be to go to a chiropractor, try acupuncture, and treat myself to regular hand and arm massages, but these are not in my budget at this time. 

I went to my third and last physical therapy appointment yesterday. They wanted me to come at least twice a week, but I declined. The co-pay alone would cost me more than I spend on food in a month. I was given an app to download into my phone so that they could “track” my progress with the exercises. After downloading the app, there were about 25 pages of legal jargon that I needed to agree to before I could proceed. Again, I declined. How often do we scroll through pages and pages of legal policies, without reading them or fully understanding the implications, and simply hitting “I agree”? I have tried to scan quickly through some of these, but most of the time they are as clear as mud. It is later, when something goes wrong, we are reminded that we “signed” and “agreed” to something that we were not aware of. Every day more and more of our freedoms and our privacy is being stripped away. There is something sinister happening here. A very few people have been able to escape the system, to live off grid, and become self-sufficient. This is something that appeals to me, but for now I must simply do my best to hide while being cast in plain sight. I have learned to walk softly and to stay hidden from the predatory entities that rule the world – like so many wild species that have learned to avoid humans.

I listen to NPR and I especially enjoy the music that they play on Thursday mornings, known as Throwback Thursdays.The music that came out of the late 1960’s and the early 1970’s was inspired by expanded consciousness. Some of those individuals of my generation sought to establish peace and served as a catalyst for many of the changes that we see in today’s world. Much progress has been made in the fight for womens’ rights and the rights of gays and lesbians. Questions were being asked about our food, which led to the formation of co-ops and health food stores. Some of us took up meditation and yoga and searched for meaning, of the life into which we had been born. We finally withdrew from the horrific Vietnam war in 1975. The luckier young men had escaped to Canada, while others returned from that war forever scarred. Slowly, this idealistic time began to fade for most. They put away their bellbottom jeans and their tie-dyed shirts, cut their hair, and donned formal attire. The new yuppies sold out to corporate America.

I listened, a few days ago, to a talk by Deepak Chopra. He confirmed what I have already surmised, which is that our forward progress has reversed. We are returning to the same lack of awareness to which I was born into. For every step forward, we take two steps back. From the moment that I open my eyes in the morning, I see so many things that break my heart; but I must make myself stop, before my mind runs amok in so much negative thinking. I stop and look more intently and begin giving thanks for what I see is right with the world. I begin my day in gratitude. As someone said recently, “I am grateful that I woke up in a bed this morning.” I am grateful for my morning cup of coffee. I am grateful for a roof over my head. I am grateful for…and the list continues to grow. I am grateful for my breath. My heart is still beating. It has not given up, so why should I?

Sometimes we have to eat our “nevers”. In the 1990’s I confirmed that I would never have a computer; however these very words are being written on what is now my third laptop. I loved my manual typewriter. I then grew to love the Selectric® typewriter that my mother handed down to me. A desktop computer was my next step. I was hooked. No more eraser ribbons or white-out for me. Delete and Copy and Paste soon became my best friends. But, just as I did way back in the 1970’s, I still travel the middle road. I have tried to embrace some of the progress that has been made in the past fifty years. Sometimes it is merely trading one evil for another. I may be saving trees, but how much of the earth’s natural resources did it take to make this computer and how much did purchasing it add to my carbon footprint? I think the important thing is to take time to consider every single action we take and to never take anything for granted; and when we need inspiration, we can listen to the music that changed the world.

The other day when I was driving down one of the main streets in town, there was a woman standing on the street corner waving a flag with TRUMP in giant letters. I kind of wished I could shoot a flaming arrow into it. The mentality of people these days is truly frightening. When I was younger, there was common respect, even towards those we did not like. When we lost a game, or contest, or even a run for class president, we had enough entegrity to shake hands with the winner and be a good loser. The infantile behavior that Trump displayed, in leading an insurrection on our capital, is completely non-condonable. The fact that people are still not only supporting him, but actively seeking to usurp our democracy, is deplorable.

There is no such thing as a perfect president. Biden is not a perfect president. President Biden, I believe, is sincere. I think he is being brainwashed by Fauci and others in regards to the COVID issue and I will be quite distressed if I am forced to get a vaccine. I do not believe in vaccines. This is my personal belief. I did not vaccinate my children and they grew into healthy adults. I was not happy when President Obama made health insurance mandatory because I very rarely use medical doctors, but to this day, I still have great respect for the man. Aside from my own opinions, I think President Biden is doing a good job. He is addressing what I believe to be the most pressing issue our world is facing – climate change. While much of the world chooses to ignore this looming problem, it is not going to go away. 

During this time of climate upheaval, people need to come together. We should not be empowering those who seek to divide us. We are one people, one planet, ONE EARTH. I pray that those who do not recognize this, soon will.