Swan Sanctuary

I was having a conversation with a woman who has had five children. She was only fifteen years old when she had her first child and she wanted to have her tubes tied afterwards. The doctor refused; however, because she wasn’t 21 years of age. She told me that she had tried every kind of birth control available, but she kept getting pregnant. Her last two babies were twins and after their birth, she was at last old enough to have the tubal ligation. This has made me realize how much harder women must fight for their rights.

A woman who is sexually mature and capable of bringing a baby into the world, should have the right to make decisions about her body! Whether you live in a state that grants you this right at 18, or one that prolongs it to age 21, this is not something that belongs in the plethora of laws in the first place. If a young woman is raped at the tender age of 13, resulting in pregnancy, she should not only have the right to an abortion – she should have the right to make all decisions about her reproductive life. She should have the right to have a tubal ligation. ALL women, once they are sexually mature, deserve this fundamental right. Doctors and pro-life activists will try to talk women out of permanent birth control because a few women have had regrets over having had tubal ligations and/or abortions. We all do things that we sometimes regret later and sometimes a woman’s purpose in this life is NOT to have children. Our planet is already bulging with 8 billion human beings and the prevention of a few babies is not going to affect that. 

I learned of a similar problem that inflicts untold injustice on women. Some young women are raped by family members, relatives, and even clergymen; and they are then forced to marry their perpetrator. The woman is not even allowed to sign her own marriage certificate because she is underage. She may go through years of abuse – sexual, physical, verbal – from her husband, but she cannot divorce him until she has reached legal age. 

The overturning of Roe v Wade is deplorable. Those who instigated it are about to realize just how strong we (women) really are. We are not about to concede the ground we have fought so hard to gain. We will continue to fight for our inalienable rights as citizens, regardless of our sex. We will fight harder. We will win.

These past few days of intense heat have me feeling like Dorothy walking through a maze of poppies. I am overcome with sleepiness and a lack of energy. Is it the heat or is it my advancing years that has stolen my ambition? When I was younger, I would become irritated at “old” people meandering down the isles in the grocery store in front of me, when I was in a hurry. Today, I have observed myself and I have noticed the long delay between thinking about moving a part of my body and actually moving it. I have trouble keeping up when walking with a younger person. I wonder if they are irritated at my slower pace. There once was a time when thinking about getting up and jumping up out of a chair happened almost simultaneously. Now, when I squat down to pick something up off the floor, it takes great effort to stand up again.

Old age has a way of creeping up on us. Women are often surprised when menopause suddenly overtakes their lives. I thought at the time it began happening to me, I am too young for this. The grey hairs began to multiply. The wrinkles deepened. Men no longer turned their heads when I walked past them. People often tell me that I am not old. Our society, in its denial of death, has come to believe that you are not old until you are at least 95. My body, however, knows otherwise. Clearly there are a great many people now living into their late 80’s and 90’s, but often it is because they have had stents inserted into their hearts to keep them pumping. They have had knee replacements and hip replacements, not to mention plastic surgery to address their creased and sagging skin. They keep their bodies functioning, but then their minds begin to malfunction. As they enter into dementia and Alzeimers, they become merely a source of income for the doctors, hospitals, assisted living and nursing homes, and mostly for the pharmaceutical companies that keep them supplied with dozens of prescription medications. Their lives have been extended beyond all reasonable expectations, but the quality of those lives has become non-existent. 

Unlike most people, I accept my old age. It makes no difference to me when punctual Death comes knocking at my door. I will be ready. I concern myself only with living in the present moment. I do what I can each day in hopes of leaving some small nugget of joy for those who remain. I have no expectations other than to enjoy the days I have remaining, however few or many there may be.

My morning always begins with quiet contemplation and meditation, sometimes with gentle music, and sometimes not. I am content with deep silence, the chirping of birds, and the chattering of squirrels. My windows are opened now to let in the cool summer breezes, but I find the less natural and ever present noise distracting. 

A preschool sits across the road and children are outside most of the time. These children scream incessantly and throw horrific tantrums. I cannot help wondering if this is normal human behavior, or if it is a product of our times. There are so many laws these days that parents and teachers can do little to discipline a child that is out of control (of himself.) Tantrums are an outburst of rage and frustration when a child cannot have his own way, or when he is seeking attention. They are a sign of the emergence of ego.

I do not know if this behavior in children was common a hundred years ago. I suspect that if it was, it was far more rare. Our lifestyles and our diets have contributed greatly to this parental dilemma. Consumerism has made available everything imaginable to children growing up in America today, to placate and pacify them. Today’s children consume large amounts of sugar, in food and sodas, which acts like a drug in their system.They may spend ten to twelve hours a day at a daycare facility, separated from the two people (mom and dad) who are best equipped to teach them appropriate behavior. The children may be tired from irregular sleep when naps are often taken in their car seat during commutes. Their forms of entertainment (TV, XBox, phone and other electronic devices) keep them confined indoors, away from the natural world. Although they have playgrounds in which they can expend pent up energy, they are vastly different from a child who is allowed to interact with and explore Nature.

Once was a time when children were sent outside to play soon after breakfast and told not to come back inside until suppertime. These children did not have time to throw tantrums because they were having too much fun. Smaller children were content to play with pots and pans or make mud pies in the dirt while their mom hung laundry or swept the porch. They did not require brightly colored plastic toys of which they would soon become bored. The current generations of tantrum throwing children will be the leaders of our world one day. Are we creating more Hitlers and Putins, who will be bent on having their way?

Last month we enjoyed the Super Strawberry Moon, when the moon was approximately 40% brighter than usual. It also looked bigger than it normally does. Tonight, we will be gifted another super moon – the brightest moon of the year. The July moon, known as the Buck moon by the Algonquin tribe, was named due to the time of year when the antler’s of male deer have attained their full growth. There are several names given for the various full moons that occur within the year. The buck moon is also known as the Feather Molting Moon and the Salmon Moon. It is the time of year when waterfowl, after having raised their young for the past few months, shed all of their old feathers and grow new ones. They are vulnerable during this time because they cannot fly until their new flight feathers have grown in. It is the time when salmon are abundant.

There are still more names given to July (and other moons.)  Most have been named by various indigenous Native American tribes and Colonial Americans. I love that all of the names are connected to an animal, plant, or aspect of the natural world. Berry Moon, Corn Moon, and Thunder Moon also refer to the July moon. 

The moon is not a star, nor is it a planet. It has been defined as a satellite planet because it does not produce its own light, but reflects the light from our sun. Many of us are attracted by the brilliance of the moon. This may be because it reminds us of our own potential. Some of us are Light Beings on the planet. We are not the source of Light, but Light appears to shine through us. We are only reflecting Light into the dark spaces around us. We are here to calm the anxiety that has gripped the multitudes, allowing peace to settle over our planet. We are not super moons, but together we can create a super reflection of healing Light.

The night before last, I was awakened by strong wind gusts. Since I do not have air conditioning, I have been leaving my front door open at night to cool the house down. That night the wind was charging through the screen like an uninvited guest. I had hung a sheet of burlap on the west side of the front porch to provide privacy and shade, but the wind continually blows the bottom end up over the top of the roof. This has resulted in also knocking down my hummingbird feeder at least half a dozen times. It  has broken branches off my houseplants that I had set outside for the summer, so I frequently have to tie it up whenever the wind gets up to its mischief. I went out that night to tie it up and bring in the pillows from the wooden bench where I like to sit. The blinds inside the house were banging against the windows from the gusts that were swooshing through them. 

The following morning I awoke to find the wood bench fallen over off the porch. Plastic pots that I had left out for cleaning were scattered all over the yard. The burlap shade cloth had come loose from the binding and the hummingbird feeder was once again on the ground.

I was curious as to how the bench, which is not exactly light weight, was blown down off the porch. There had been no rain in the forecast and no rain accompanied the violent wind. Could it have been a tornado? It turns out that tornadoes do not always contain rain. In fact, this is the rule and not the exception in the semi-arid Great Plains. Short-lived thunderstorms carrying buckets full of rain and hail are common in the Midwest, especially in summer. Gardens, trees, and flowers are often able to withstand the extreme heat and even the wind, only to be blasted by large hail. My garden has been safe so far and it is in a somewhat protected spot. I am already harvesting zucchini and the cucumbers and beans are not far behind. But, these storms, whether they contain rain or not, can be spawned at any moment, day or night. Trying to grow anything in this unpredictable climate is a high stakes gamble.

I have always felt that laws are unnecessary. They merely serve as a challenge to those who would break them. In the Tao Te Ching we are told that when the law is written on our hearts, we  have no need for (manmade) laws. I believe that the greatest hindrance to peace is that the majority of human beings are disconnected from their hearts. We long to love and to be loved, yet the only love we know is that which is manufactured in our heads. We treat love as though it is a commodity – something outside of us which we wish to possess. Love is actually the life force that initiated our existence. Love resides within our hearts, but because we are so disconnected from them, we falsely believe that it is missing from our lives.

It has been said that heart disease is the #1 cause of death. The contributors to heart disease can be blocked arteries or coronary heart failure and stroke. Obesity, cigarette smoking and second-hand smoke, and a lack of exercise are generally blamed for the conditions. While cancer occupies the second largest cause of death, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) comes in at #3. This is no surprise if you observe people, their lifestyles, and their diets. Many of these people continue to smoke and drink excessively. They live on fast food, which is not actually food, and they convince themselves that “big is beautiful” rather than engaging in exercise or changing their diets. The disease that they experience is the result of the mental blockages that keep them disconnected from their hearts. 

The abuse of our bodies breaks the only law that matters – the law of love. The abuse of one’s own body extends to abuse of the world in which we live, and a general lack of appreciation for life itself. The air that we breathe into our lungs and the heart that keeps us alive are vital for our survival. The law of Karma will ensure that we receive back all that we have given. Heart disease, cancer, and COPD are the consequences that we receive for the way in which we have treated ourselves and the world.

I rarely participate in those games that come across Facebook, but the one that recently baited me would tell me the “hippie” meaning of my name and my curiosity got the best of me. My name, according to this website, means ray of light. The interesting thing about this discovery, is that a few days ago I was listening to one of Eckhart Tolle’s talks and he was explaining to those who do not understand, our relationship to the Higher Power. He compared it to one ray of sunlight, which is not the sun, but part of it. Those who are steeped in religious dogma find it blasphemous when more awakened beings tell them that we are a part of God. They mistakenly think that we are saying, we are God; when in fact, we are each simply one ray.

A ray of sun is not the sun. Yet it cannot exist without the sun. God, Spirit, Source – whatever you choose to call it – lives within each of us. We are all God in that sense. We can refuse to be the ray emanating its light. We can, through free will, choose darkness. It is not only humans, but all of Nature – trees, animals, the ocean – literally all that exists in form is part of God. When we harm each other, harm the Earth, harm other species, we are harming ourselves because we are all part of the One Source.

I love knowing that I am a ray of light. I am a candle, holding the flame in my hands, but I am not the flame. I am merely a vessel through which the light can spill. Sometimes, ego tries to cover the light, or even extinguish it, but the light is always there. We only need to acknowledge it. I love knowing that I am connected to all living things. I love nurturing plants and animals because in doing so, I am allowing more light to flow through me. I am Nature’s apprentice. Everyday she teaches me something new and shares with me the beauty of Earth’s cohabitants

If you are a gardener you are probably familiar with bindweed, or Convolvulus arvensis, a member of the morning glory family. It is highly invasive, growing easily on disturbed land. The seeds from the fruits of its small white or pinkish flowers are dispersed by birds; but the seeds can also remain viable in the soil for up to two years. Even when it is pulled from above ground, its massive root system can re-sprout from root segments and rhizomes. While the bulk of the roots grow horizontally, its vertical roots can extend as far as twenty feet underground. This makes it nearly impossible to eradicate completely. Those people who ignorantly use Roundup® in the false belief that they are killing it, are only harming the rest of the environment and posing harm to their children and grandchildren.

I have tried to stay ahead of the bindweed coming up in my raised bed. Although I had placed thick layers of cardboard beneath the soil, the bindweed has managed to wind its way through it, where in some places there is a nearly solid mass of roots underneath the cardboard. I pull these roots out in large handfuls, but by the following morning, new ones have sprouted above ground. I have spent countless hours pulling it, not only out of my own garden, but also in the gardens of people that I worked for in the past. The bindweed is relentless and it is a battle of wills between this greedy plant and me. 

I realized a couple of days ago how humans are very much like bindweed. It attempts to annihilate all other plants in its path by strangling them to death. Not only does it use other plants as a support to climb on; the vines use each other. They spiral around one another as though they are in a race to reach the sun. We humans have strangled much of the life that we share this planet with, to make more room for ourselves. We step on whatever and whoever is in our path to reach imagined happiness. We do this without consideration for anyone or anything but ourselves. I will save the plants in my garden, one at a time, from impending death by bindweed. I will nurture all of the flora and fauna that I can, in spite of assaults by my fellow humans.

Four years ago I suddenly had a toothache. It was an upper molar and it was very sensitive to hot and cold. I went to my dentist, who practices laser dentistry and I was told that the old filling had cracked. It would require removal of the old amalgam filling and replacement with the newer composite material. It would cost me $500. I was in the process of moving from Colorado to Wyoming and it was not in my budget at the time. After a while, the tooth ceased to bother me, but I had planned to save the money and have the tooth repaired as soon as possible. Time went on and I was never able to come up with the extra money required. I did not have dental insurance and since I have fairly healthy teeth, I figured out that monthly insurance payments would cost more than paying outright for two cleanings and an exam once a year. Insurance companies rarely pay more than a percentage of the cost of any procedures.

At long last, I decided to go to a dentist here in Wheatland. Although I much preferred the less painful methods of laser to the typical numbing agents. I did not want to make the three hour drive to my previous dentist. I had not had a regular exam or cleaning in about seven years so the new dentist required a full set of x-rays and a cleaning before he would perform any procedures.They gave me a treatment plan with price quotes for each procedure. I have the money now since I am working at the motel, so I committed to taking care of myself by having the necessary work done and I knew that I could afford one procedure with each paycheck. After the exam and cleaning, the first two appointments were for filling new cavities. The dentist had recommended that the cracked filling and two other teeth should have crowns, but he said he was willing to simply remove the amalgam fillings and replace them with composite ones. Amalgam fillings are known to cause health problems including, but not limited to mercury poisoning.

When I arrived for my appointment yesterday, they were to do the first of the three replacement fillings. I asked the assistant if they would be doing the one that had cracked first. She told me they were doing the one on the right, but I told her that one was on the left. She went to ask the doctor and he told her that it needed a crown. I said I would not pay for a crown because he had already told me that he was willing to replace the filling. I added that I am almost seventy years old and I could be dead in a year so it makes no sense for me to pay $1,430 for one tooth! The dentist acquiesced and did what we had already agreed upon.

After the procedure was done and I went to pay, I was told the charges were $60 more than what I had been quoted. This had happened with the first procedure as well. I told the receptionist that I would pay the additional amount the next time and that I was not happy about the surprise increase in price! I am convinced now that just like medical doctors, dentists are trained to always recommend the most expensive treatment. Prior to this, I had called several dentists in the area. They all told me stories about how I might need a root canal or a crown or whatever else and they refused to do anything without new x-rays and cleaning first. One even told me that I would need to have exams every six months because teeth change so quickly. Really?! Their marketing gimmicks make me sick. Patients are put between a rock and a hard place because the doctors are trained to squeeze every dollar that they possibly can from them. Medical doctors, veterinarians, dentists – the list goes on. Greed is everywhere we turn.

I wrote this last night after being jolted awake several times from the ongoing audial assault of fireworks.They were being exploded right over the top of my little house, causing it to shake and causing my heart to race. From inside my house, it felt as though I was at the center of a prolonged firing squad with shots being fired all around me. I did my best to ignore the incessant cacophony, but each time I dozed off, I was re-awakened by a thunderbolt of still louder and more rapid firings of explosives. It was not only last night, but for the past five successive nights in a row. 

What perverse sense of entertainment brings people out in droves to participate in this ghastly, costly, and dangerous activity? It is no longer something to endure for a single night or even once a year. New year’s eve and any reason that people use as an excuse to celebrate in this manner, has become “normal.” The air is filled with putrid smoke that works its way through my open windows, as though the shattering of my nerves was not enough to cause me despair.

These people believe that the fireworks are pretty to watch, but I believe that a rainbow is far more beautiful. I saw a partial one while driving home from work, after a cleansing rainstorm. 

What is more beautiful than the sunsets that are on display for us every evening of every day? The configuration of clouds and light presents us with a unique and often breathtaking visual dessert nearly every day of the year. These are not dangerous. They cost nothing and they make no sound. They do not produce noxious fumes. They are free for everyone to watch. Do these same people ever bother to look up at the wondrous sky, at the clouds – or to notice a rainbow?

As I listen to the non-stop explosions outside my bedroom window, echoing and ricocheting off the neighboring houses, I can only think how terrifying it must be to be living in a war torn country where bombs are going off continually. Veterans returning from wars in which they had fought, struggle to remain calm during these violent holiday rituals. Fireworks have been banned in many parts of the country due to drought and wildfires. However; this town of cowboy mentality cares not about the pain and suffering it inflicts on others. They do not understand that what they perceive as fun, strikes terror in the hearts of other people and animals. The aftermath of their celebration can be seen in the strange objects I must pick up from my yard. The aftermath is the pollution of the minds of their small children, who cannot see the harm that is being done.