Swan Sanctuary

Some people like to complain a lot. They complain about their jobs or about how much they have to do. They say that they have no choice; but it has been said that we always have a choice. Sometimes that choice is simply accepting what is, if we cannot change or leave a situation. Mostly, our choices are of a mental nature. We get to choose how we want to think about something – choose whether or not a given situation is going to make us happy – or unhappy. 

There is another kind of choosing that we do. We make those choices every moment of every day. These choices are often influenced by our motivation. If we need to make money to pay our rent, we choose to go to work even if we dislike our job. During our “free” time, we may choose to procrastinate. We may choose to watch television or play a game or read a book because it distracts us from those things that we may not feel like doing – like cleaning out a closet or a refrigerator, or washing the dishes.These distractions are born out of frustration if we cannot do what we would rather be doing. We all have a tendency to do those things that we either enjoy doing or at least do not mind doing, and putting off the things we clearly dislike doing. We often “should on” ourselves when we feel guilty for not doing something that we feel we should have done.

It is also said that when we do what we love, the money will follow. I believe this, at least in part. I have always felt that life is too short to waste time doing something that does not satisfy who we really are. Doing what we love will not necessarily make us rich, but it will ensure that we always have enough and we will have a greater sense of peace. I always felt like an imposter if I attempted to work at a job that did not really suit me. Society has convinced people that you must work at a job in order to make a great deal of money, regardless of whether it is something that fulfills you.

I have realized that I have three great passions in life – gardening, caring for wildlife and my cat –  and writing. For the past 50 years, I have found that what I would almost always rather be doing, is gardening. I find myself subconsciously tending to my houseplants or wandering out into the garden, even when I have more important things to do. I am always poking my finger into soil to see if plants need water, or stooping to pull a weed, or trimming and deadheading spent flowers or leaves. I have to check myself when I am tempted to pull a weed in a public place. Regardless of those things that I have put off doing, I find that when I am working outside in my garden, starting seeds, transplanting, or simply watering plants, I am completely content and at peace. It takes some people years to discover what their real passions are and to honor the gifts that are innate within them. Paying attention to what we would rather be doing is key to our personal happiness.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to live in a country where the sound of war planes flying overhead, and bombs going off in the distance, is a daily thing. For those people, the disconcerting sounds probably continue throughout the night. Do they live in a constant state of fear – or do they simply tune it out, ignoring it as they go about their day?

I do not use air conditioning. My windows are open, letting in the fresh breezes. The past few days, I have heard several airplanes flying overhead. I do not live near a large city, nor an airport. I find this sound unsettling, whether I am indoors or working outside in the garden. Is our military preparing for war, or merely practicing for it? Either way, war is not the answer. 

As I was walking to my truck the other evening, after getting off work, I looked up at the sound of Canada geese flying in their perfect “V” formation towards the setting sun. These are the sounds that I prefer to hear – the sounds of birds on migration, making their arduous journeys to their wintering grounds. They are the sounds that fill my heart with joy, rather than dread. It seems that these days, for many of us, the only way to experience the sounds of Nature is by listening to a recording, in a desperate attempt to drown out the cacophony of human life.

Last week I had headed out mid-morning to mow the yard. I began on the hell strip – that narrow section between the sidewalk and the street. The weeds had grown a lot from the abundance of rain that we had the previous week, so I was going slowly and trying not to miss the extra tall ones. I was only about ten minutes into my task when I looked up to see a white pickup truck driving slowly past me. Then I saw a man leaning out the passenger window and holding a wand. He was spraying the weeds that had popped up in the cracks of the asphalt. There was a large tankful of poison sloshing around in the back of the pickup. Seconds later, I felt the spray hit my bare legs. Within a couple of minutes, the foul, caustic stench permeated the air. I promptly abandoned my mowing and went inside.

I was angry. I had other chores that I wanted to complete that morning in my garden and I resented having to come indoors. I like to spend as much time as possible outside before I have to go to work and deal with cigarette smoke and cleaning chemicals, which are all too abundant in the small area where I must confine myself for the duration of my shift. But; after I had gone inside the house, the herbicide was making its way in through my open windows, as it often does after my neighbor has had her yard sprayed. 

Nature has provided us with so many heavenly fragrances, but they are overpowered by the strong, obtrusive smells of our modern life. People waste money on imitation room fresheners that merely mask the foul odors and add insult to injury. I am always concerned for the dogs, cats, and wildlife whose sense of smell is so much greater than our own. I worry about my cat’s exposure to the dangerous chemicals when he chases bugs and eats the grass outside, or when he naps beneath the shrubs. I worry that my organic garden, on which I have worked countless hours, has been compromised when the poisons drift down upon it, after being carried there by the breeze.

Sometimes, my anger and frustration about the poisons that have saturated our environment, drives me to tears. My heartache is not just for myself, but for Mother Earth and for all of the birds, insects, and plants that will suffer and die because of widespread ignorance, and because of the deliberate and unnecessary poisoning of the planet we live on. On one level I know that anger is a profuse waste of energy, but in this case I know it is righteous anger.

Many of us have come to realize that our Earth’s stores of oil and other minerals are finite. I, like others, have been led to believe that the new electric cars are better for the environment. The hard fact; however, is that lithium mining is every bit as detrimental to our planet as drilling for oil. 

The vast number of acres of land used for oil wells, has displaced thousands of species. It destroys their habitat, making it difficult for them to breed and reproduce and even to communicate. The loss of habitat diminishes their ability to find food and in many cases, such as in an oil spill, kills them outright. The fragmentation of land to build roads, fences, and modern structures interferes with their safe movement from one area to another, resulting in highway deaths and powerline collisions. If we continue to destroy more forests by opening more land to oil drilling, we are ensuring the demise and extinction of still more species.

The makers of lithium batteries claim that their batteries are recyclable. This is not exactly true. The rules vary from state to state and from town to town. Most people continue to toss AA and other batteries into their regular trash. Eventually, the heavy metals used to make the batteries begin to leach into the soil and groundwater. The contamination works its way up the food chain, from the soil and the water, into other organisms and eventually into our own bodies. The extraction of lithium compromises the soil structure and depletes stores of underground water. It increases the salinity in rivers downstream and leaves behind toxic waste. 

It seems that wherever humans tread, biodiversity is lost. Every form of mining, of every type of metal or mineral, exploits and depletes the Earth. Oil drilling, lithium mining, fracking – it is all done with only the selfish wants of humans to consider. The world has been made dependent upon things that for centuries was never needed. It seems that we have forgotten how to use our two legs for walking or for riding a bicycle. We are always on the go in the false belief that the grass is greener somewhere else. We seldom stop or sit long enough to appreciate the ground on which we are standing. Until all of us together make the decision to seek out less harmful ways of moving about in our world, we cannot stop the growing carnage around us. We need to ask ourselves the tougher questions. Do we really need automobiles? Do we need airplanes? Or, have we only convinced ourselves that they are necessary? We can trade in our gasoline dependent lives for an electric car, but are we simply trading one evil for another? If we don’t care for either option, it will be necessary to think outside the box. It will be necessary to embark on an entirely new paradigm.

There are only a handful of restaurants and fast food chains in this town of less than 4,000 people. There is no McDonald’s; however, and no Walmart. The Burger King went out of business when COVID hit. All that remains is an Arby’s, a Subway and 3 or 4 local diners.Many of the people who live here are obese. As if that was not a health risk by itself, most of them smoke and drink as well. I am guessing that nearly all are on at least one pharmaceutical drug.

I was having a conversation with a coworker – one of very few who does not smoke. She said that she had worked for years at fast food restaurants and saw the same customers day after day. She told me that some of them eat 3 meals a day at these places. This reminded me of the film, Super Size Me. The Arby’s sits only 20 yards or so away from the entrance to the motel where I work. There is a constant stream of people going and coming from there. It is the first food establishment off the exit from the highway. 

I have not eaten at an Arby’s since I was in my early 20’s. Whenever I would eat fast food, my hands and feet would swell and I would have an unquenchable thirst. I presumed it was from the high levels of salt that is used, but I was later informed that it was the preservatives that brought on my thirst and swelling. I have not eaten fast food in years. I do not drink sodas. After so many years of eating healthy food, I would rather go hungry than eat the lifeless foods offered in fast food chains. I am grateful that I enjoy cooking and making and eating salads, which I have most every day.

I see so many women with their bellies protruding and cigarettes extended like flagpoles from their mouths, while they text on their cell phones and while they drive. They are caught up in their personal dramas and life stories. Men, too, chain smoke with their friends and coworkers. They throw the butts all over the parking lots. I cannot help wondering if these people also had pacifiers stuck in their mouths as babies and toddlers, and they have never been able to grow out of their infantile insecurities. Their hunger for connection is never satisfied. They do not realize that the food and cigarettes that they are constantly putting in their mouths, will never satisfy them. Their health will continue to decline, but they will refuse to take responsibility for their self destructive habits. They have become the victims of the agricultural giants and the pharmaceutical propaganda. They have not as yet awakened to their disconnection from Nature and to their ability to choose differently. Until they do, their appetites will remain insatiable.

Here in this town of excessive wind and dryness, we have been blessed for the past few days with soaking rains. Much of the world is currently experiencing severe drought so I am deeply grateful for this unexpected blessing. Sadly, much of it will go to waste as it runs down storm drains, carrying with it voluminous amounts of fertilizers, herbicides, and pesticides. I am certain that the few trees around here will appreciate the much needed moisture. Many of them have already suffered untold damage from drought, coupled with snowstorms and wind, in years gone by.

Oregon, Texas, Oklahoma, Nevada, Utah, New Mexico, and Montana are under severe drought at this time. So are many parts of Europe, India, and China. There was a report in the news that parts of France, while restricting residents from watering gardens and other “non-essential” water use, has allowed exemptions for golf courses. Why are the rich and powerful allowed to ignore, and flat out deny, the climate crises that we are facing? A group called Extinction Rebellion Toulouse filled the holes in one golf course with cement, to protest the shameful waste of precious water. 

A typical golf course consumes an average of 130,000 gallons of water per day. That is more than 2 billion gallons per day in the United States alone!  An average of 8 different pesticides are routinely applied to golf courses. Up to 6 pounds of fertilizer for every 1,000 square feet of grass and trees is used. The herbicide paraquat has been widely used in golf courses since the 1960’s. It is also used in parks, recreational areas, and in agriculture. It is highly poisonous and it is a leading cause of asthma, lung scarring, and kidney failure.

Several years ago it was suggested to me that I might want to go golfing in order to spend some time in nature. I had to laugh since I was already working outside in nature everyday, taking care of swans and gardening. There is no nature in golf courses! The wildlife – including butterflies and other insects – have all been killed off or chased away. Most birds avoid golf courses since they offer no food (insects and seeds) for them.

Nearly all of our human forms of recreation are a form of passive aggression towards other species. We are abhorred by the killing of a human being or even a dog, but we take no notice of the continual demise of other life forms or the profuse waste of our natural resources. How much longer will we continue to allow the ignorance and selfishness of the wealthy, to wantonly destroy the life that we all depend on?

I used to read Tarot cards. I learned that peoples’ questions revolved around 3 basic things – relationships, money, and health. Sometimes their questions would be about death or birth – wanting to know if someone was going to die, or how many children they might expect to have. What I have realized is that all of these questions come down to the first question – that of relationships. We are all connected to the one Source of life, call it what you will. We are connected to everyone and everything; we are connected to animals, plants, fungi – literally every thing. 

Some of the similarities are uncanny. For instance, the rings of lines in our thumb print resemble the rings in the cross section of a tree trunk. The network of mycorrhizae in the soil is like our own nervous system. There is a study that shows how foods we eat benefit the organ or body part that they resemble. For example, walnuts look like and are good for our brain. Clusters of grapes and pomegranates look like and are beneficial for our lungs. The cross section of a carrot looks like the iris in our eyes and eating carrots is good for our eyes. Similarly, eating celery for our bones and tomatoes for our hearts is recommended due to their resemblance to the body part that they benefit.

For centuries, mostly due to Christianity, humans have thought of themselves as separate from and more evolved than other living things. Science is now proving the falsehood of that thinking. Life is all about relationship. If we ask the Tarot a question we have concerning our money or our job, it is really about our relationship to money or the people we work with. If we have a concern about our health, it is really about our relationship to our body, our beliefs about it, and the way in which we treat it. This was clarified in the late Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. 

Whenever things are not working in our lives, it is because of our relationships we have with those things. It is about our relationship to life itself. If we align ourselves with our Source so that the numerous strands of our life are able to move freely and harmoniously, we will know peace. It is when we allow our ego to steer us off course that our lives become tangled and messy. Sometimes, the more we try to “fix” our problems, the more entangled and knotted they become. When we make time to establish and nurture that relationship with ourselves – our inner, higher Self – we make it possible to maintain healthy relationships with all things – with people, money, food, our bodies, and the world we live in.

I have been pondering why and how I emerged into this life with a strong work ethic. I can contribute much of it to my mother and especially, to my grandmother. I lived with my grandmother (and step-grandfather) in the small town of Creede, Colorado and later in a much smaller town, La Garita. When I was older, I would visit them at the home they had retired to in Poncha Springs, which was only a couple of miles from Salida, Colorado. Most of my early childhood memories (and sadly, my only happy ones) are of those that came from being with my Grandma. 

While living in La Garita, where my grandfather ran a sawmill, my Grandma worked endlessly. There was no electricity or running water. I would watch her bake bread and make giant pancakes on the wood stove. I watched her do laundry outside in 2 washtubs – one for scrubbing clothes on the scrub board and the other for rinsing them. There was another galvanized tub that was oval and we used that one for bathing. I accompanied her as she carried 2 five gallon buckets with pristine water from the underground spring, picking dandelions for her along the way and from which she later made dandelion wine. She also chopped wood, pasted wallpaper on the walls of their small cabin, and planted flowers in front, surrounded by a small white picket fence.

While raising my daughters in a suburb of Denver, I kept old photos of relatives that had passed on, on top of the piano. There was a picture of my grandmother with her sister when they were only girls. Another picture was of my great-grandmother and still another, of my great-great grandmother sitting in a rocking chair next to a picture of her husband, who had passed away. I knew nothing about them, not even their names. All I knew was that they were Quakers. I had never given it much thought, and I (wrongly) assumed that Quakers were very much like the Amish. I decided to look into it. 

It turns out that Quakers are NOT steeped in Christian dogma, as are the Amish. I was shocked to discover how very much Quaker beliefs are aligned with my own beliefs.They do not believe that a priest is required to lead religious ceremonies, but that every individual is capable of making his or her own connection with God. They live by a conviction to integrity, equality, simplicity, and pacifism. They practice being stewards of the earth. It really is a way of life, rather than an adherence to a strict set of beliefs. Like me, most Quakers reject the Christian belief of heaven and hell. The good deeds that one does serves all of humanity and are not simply a ploy to reach a fictitious afterlife. They believe that all days are holy and do not participate in religious celebrations. 

My oldest daughter had purchased a DNA test for me awhile back and much to my delight, I discovered that I am nearly 98% British descent. Quakerism began in England in the 1600’s. I will never know how much of my work ethic has been passed down through my DNA, but I suspect that the influence was reinforced from the time spent with my grandmother. She passed away only days after my youngest daughter was born. I know nothing of her religious beliefs. I often wish that I had asked her more about her life while she was still living. Maybe that is why I write so much. One day when I am gone, if my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren begin to wonder about their past, I hope that the words I leave behind will warm their hearts.

The current complacency of we human beings towards our own bodies has resulted in our giving away control of them while we are alive, to the medical establishment; and giving them away to funeral directors after we have died. I have been wading through a sea of legal jargon, trying to garner a basic understanding of words like probate, trust, and POA. Who knew that dying could leave behind a lengthy nightmare for our heirs and loved ones? I have undertaken the laborious task of setting up a will in order to ease the burdens that could befall my daughters after I am gone. 

I had established in my book, Question Everything: Overcoming Passivity in a Perilous World, the astronomical profits made by funeral homes. An average funeral which includes embalming, viewing, and burial can run $8,000, or more. A casket alone costs $500 for a simple pine box, to as much as $20,000 for an elaborate one. The average cost of cremation runs about $7,000. Unclaimed bodies and homeless people are stored for 30 days before being cremated and buried in collective graves or unmarked plots, to lower the cost incurred by the government. In most cases, bodies are taken, from the home or the hospital or wherever the death occurred, to a morgue or mortuary where the body is kept refrigerated until funeral arrangements are implemented.

Every state has their own laws governing the disposal of corpses. There are in fact no laws requiring that a casket be used; however, most people are not aware that they can use a simple, biodegradable and eco-friendly fabric. Embalming is not necessary and can be declined as long as no viewing of the body is planned and burial or cremation is carried out promptly. This issue can be problematic though, if the body is to be transported across state lines and it requires a special permit.

An autopsy can be objected to on personal or religious grounds, but it can be ordered by law enforcement if it involves a suspicious death from which evidence can be gleaned. An autopsy is often required by insurance companies before they will relinquish life savings to the heirs.

It is legal to bury loved ones on private land in most states, but each state has its own criteria that must be followed. A funeral director may still be required to oversee the burial. A death certificate must be obtained and the death must be recorded with the county clerk.

I have finally managed to write my will and I went today with my witnesses to have it notarized. I had to sign and initial the documents in so many places that it was nearly as stressful as buying a house. Then I was told by the notary that my death would probably still require an attorney. It seems that even in our dying, others are determined to profit off of us. I intend to die peacefully, in my sleep and in my own bed. I also intend for my body to be treated with respect after I am dead – to be received gracefully back into the loving arms of Mother Earth, from which it came.