I was raised during the late 1960s and early 1970s by my compliant mother and militant stepfather. There were consequences, whenever I chose to disobey the rules. I was taught to respect my elders and talking back rendered severe punishment. My naturally defiant nature resulted in frequent whippings from my stepfather’s belt. There was not only a complete lack of love between him and me – there was well-hidden animosity. Obedience was the only thing expected from me. My mother, being a flirtatious social butterfly, relinquished all concern over mine and my siblings’ behavior, to her husband.
When my own children challenged me, I sought alternative punishments. On the rare occasions when they required discipline, they were sent to their rooms, given time-outs, or denied treats. I refused to engage in spanking them. I was able to teach them, without employing physical abuse, to accept responsibility for their actions. Love alone, helped to infuse in them a kind of self-governance. They still made mistakes from time to time, but they fully understood and accepted that there would always be a real and karmic debt that must be paid. They learned to navigate their lives and to learn from their blunders.
The world is different today. Many children, and adults too, have never taken responsibility for their decisions. They live a self-centered existence. They have never come to understand the importance of respect – for self and for others. In many cases, it is because the parents have been too lenient. They have failed to teach their children things like gratitude and kindness. The real problem; however, lies in our modern society. Our world is run by a handful of giant corporate entities. Small businesses are a thing of the past. Within a corporation, individuals never have to take responsibility for mistakes or problems. We talk to computers and we communicate by email and text messages to faceless strangers, in hopes that they will resolve a problem that we have encountered. We are transferred from one person to another, to another, to another. We become frustrated and angry as we wait or are put on hold, on the phone. When we are finally connected to a “real” person, it is often a heavily accented person, living in another country, and whom we can barely understand. All around us, people are fed up. No one, it seems, is taking responsibility.
My step father’s way of ensuring my proper behavior would not be acceptable in today’s world; but he did ensure that I knew what the consequences would be, if I did not follow his rules. My heart breaks for children today, who have not been given the tools to navigate their lives with respect and responsibility. Once they have reached adulthood, it is often too late.
