These past few days of intense heat have me feeling like Dorothy walking through a maze of poppies. I am overcome with sleepiness and a lack of energy. Is it the heat or is it my advancing years that has stolen my ambition? When I was younger, I would become irritated at “old” people meandering down the isles in the grocery store in front of me, when I was in a hurry. Today, I have observed myself and I have noticed the long delay between thinking about moving a part of my body and actually moving it. I have trouble keeping up when walking with a younger person. I wonder if they are irritated at my slower pace. There once was a time when thinking about getting up and jumping up out of a chair happened almost simultaneously. Now, when I squat down to pick something up off the floor, it takes great effort to stand up again.
Old age has a way of creeping up on us. Women are often surprised when menopause suddenly overtakes their lives. I thought at the time it began happening to me, I am too young for this. The grey hairs began to multiply. The wrinkles deepened. Men no longer turned their heads when I walked past them. People often tell me that I am not old. Our society, in its denial of death, has come to believe that you are not old until you are at least 95. My body, however, knows otherwise. Clearly there are a great many people now living into their late 80’s and 90’s, but often it is because they have had stents inserted into their hearts to keep them pumping. They have had knee replacements and hip replacements, not to mention plastic surgery to address their creased and sagging skin. They keep their bodies functioning, but then their minds begin to malfunction. As they enter into dementia and Alzeimers, they become merely a source of income for the doctors, hospitals, assisted living and nursing homes, and mostly for the pharmaceutical companies that keep them supplied with dozens of prescription medications. Their lives have been extended beyond all reasonable expectations, but the quality of those lives has become non-existent.
Unlike most people, I accept my old age. It makes no difference to me when punctual Death comes knocking at my door. I will be ready. I concern myself only with living in the present moment. I do what I can each day in hopes of leaving some small nugget of joy for those who remain. I have no expectations other than to enjoy the days I have remaining, however few or many there may be.
