I remember, back in grade school, we had to decorate shoe boxes and make a small hole in the top, large enough for someone to slip in a valentine card. We would buy silly valentines that came in packages of 20 to 30, sign them, and give them to every other student in our classroom. Sometimes, in the afternoon, we would put away our school books early and have a “party” that consisted of having a couple of sugary treats and perhaps a small juice. These were usually brought in by a couple of the students’ mothers who had volunteered to host it. We would then read the valentines that we had received in our box, in hopes that we had one from a boy (or girl) we liked, or hoping we did not get one from someone we thought we did not like.
What was the point of all this? Was it early training in the social expectation that we should all one day find that perfect someone, marry, and live happily ever after? As I look back on all of the subtleties, I can see the many ways in which our culture has “trained” us for eventual courtship and nuptials. Getting a good job, falling in love, marrying, and having children are what is expected of us.
The lucky children are those whose parents have taken the time to teach them that they are valuable all by themselves. They do not need anyone to complete them. They are already whole. Better still, are those children who have grown up knowing that they have a choice about whether or not to bring more children into the world.
Love is a beautiful thing when one finds it. It seldom lasts for the duration of one’s life. As adults – Valentine’s Day – this human invented holiday is a reminder for unattached individuals of how alone we are, but it can also symbolize the broader spectrum of love. We can use the day to recall past lovers, our mothers, our children, our special friends, and our pets who have loved us. We can remember those people who make us feel that our life matters. We can make this a day for self-care, knowing that regardless of our current status, we are all lovable.
