When confronted by antagonistic, angry people, I will not enter into conflict. As soon as I realize that someone wants to argue and they have entered into that mode where they only want to be heard and do not want to listen, I walk away. If I encounter such a person on the phone, I simply hit “hang up.” A screaming match, when neither person is listening to the other, serves no one.
We have all experienced people who, when they are extremely angry, ranting and raving as though they were possessed, literally fill a room with volatile energy – energy that they suck from other people. If we do not react, it is like poking a tiny hole in their balloon of rage, where it will slowly begin to deflate. It takes two people to argue, so if one refuses to play, the game must end.
Of course, sooner or later, problems must be addressed. This can happen when the person calms down and is willing to enter into constructive conversation. Sometimes that requires a third, unbiased person to mediate. In some instances, such as road rage, we can usually allow the irritated person to pass by. Being the object of someone else’s anger can often feel like a physical blow, even if they never enter your personal space. A verbal punch can pack almost as much pain as a physical one.
Gossip is another way that people attempt to engage other people in their anger. Getting another person to go along with their story feeds their ego. Anger and gossip can be encountered on a daily basis, especially in work situations. We can choose to not take offense at something someone said. We can choose not to participate in gossip. These two things are similar to two of the four agreements advocated by Don Miguel Ruiz.
This is not a normal topic of conversation for me, but working in a motel has presented me with people of two different extremes. There are those who are friendly and who are generous with their compliments. Others walk in with a chip on their shoulder from the get-go, ready to fight with the first person they see. I am grateful to have reached a state of serenity in my life. My feathers do not get ruffled and I remain grounded in my no conflict zone, regardless of those who try to shake it.
