Within the past four months, two of my friends have passed away. One was in his early 80’s and the other was only 67. I have another dear friend who is 8 years older than I am. His health is not as good as mine, but his dogs are keeping him tethered to the earth for the time being. Naturally, many of my friends and acquaintances are near my own age. I wonder who will be next to leave the planet? It feels as though our names are being drawn randomly from a hat. The Universe points its finger at one of us saying, “You’re next.” One by one, we are dropping out of the game of life. The playing field is not empty; however. Our replacements – our children and grandchildren – are stepping into the place that we once occupied.
I will be returning next week to an area I never had any desire to go back to – to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. I left Colorado in 1999 for (literally) greener pastures. When I ended up in Virginia, I fell in love with it. I had no intention of ever leaving there. It was a paradise to me, in comparison with the fickle weather of Colorado. I did have to leave, though; and I returned to Colorado in 2012 – not by choice, but by unforeseen circumstances.
I have struggled now, for more than a decade, to return to Virginia, but it is not meant to be. In recent months, I have been guided to return to southwest Colorado, which feels much like going home. The only truly happy years of my childhood were spent in those mountains with my grandmother. Memories of the time I spent with her are flooding back into my mind. I have arrived at a place of acceptance and of peace. What will be will be. Perhaps, in going there, I am completing the circle of my life – ending where I began. Will my name be the next one drawn by the icy fingers of Death?
This move feels right for me, although I must “die before I die,” to the dreams that were never fulfilled. I walk willingly into the final chapter, where the ending ties into the first, and into all of the chapters in the middle of this saga. I do not know how or when it will end. I am reading one page at a time. I will keep taking one step, one day at a time, as I wait for my name to be called.
