I managed to write only one blog last week, instead of the usual two on Monday and Wednesday. I was busy implementing a landscaping project for my youngest daughter, for her birthday. I did this amidst unpacking and organizing from my recent move, which was not the move I had planned.
Eckhart Tolle tells us that we must “surrender to what is.” We can either (1) accept, (2) try to change, or (3) leave an unacceptable situation. I came to this windy, unawakened town of 3,600 people nearly five years ago. I needed a quiet place to finish writing Question Everything. Once I had accomplished that, I too, was finished with this inhospitable place; but each time that I tried to leave I was tossed back, like a ball attached to a paddle by a string.
A few weeks ago I wrote that I had planned to return to the area of my childhood, in southwest Colorado. Only three days before my scheduled move; however, I received three phone calls – one from my youngest daughter who lives here, one from my son-in-law who lives with my oldest daughter in Cotopaxi, Colorado, and one from my girls’ father (my ex-husband) who lives in Denver. They each adamantly expressed to me that I should abandon the idea of moving back to Colorado, listing numerous reasons why I shouldn’t go there. This was apparently a sign from the Universe. This is where Tolle’s wisdom slapped me in the face. “Do not argue with what is.” “Surrender.” “Accept the unacceptable.”
Ironically, it seems that my prayers have been answered. I have prayed for months now, to be guided to where I could do the most good. I have been “putting my affairs in order” and drawn up a will. When you have passed seventy years of age, you must begin to abandon some of your dreams. At sixty years, you could still hold out for a few of them; but now, clearly it is too late.
My youngest daughter owns a large house here in Wheatland, but since her transfer to the Torrington PD she is seldom here. Her yard and her house are in dire need of TLC. Her three cats and her German Shepherd are often neglected. Without a doubt, she needs my help – and my skills.
This is not the life I had planned; nor is it the dream I had dreamed. It is what it is. I accept it. I surrender.
